Maria Bowen

Struggle with Scripture.

Maria is a cradle Episcopalian who attended St. Alban's in college. She, her husband, Phillip and daughter, Virginia, returned to the church in 2018. Since then, she has been the coordinator for Altar Guild where she has focused on recruiting new volunteers and updating the Guild's lay ministry to bring uniformity to the Guild's work. 

Today's devotional is based on

Jeremiah 20:7–13, Psalm 18:1–7 and John 10:31–42

Click here to read the appointed scripture for Friday in the Fifth Week of Lent.

Devotional

Growing up, I was taught that during Lent you should be as honest with yourself as you are with God. Lent is a time to examine yourself and self-reflect on authenticity and courage; to live your life seeking God’s grace even in your own vulnerability. 

Well, dear reader, here’s my honesty – and I’m betting I’m not alone in this. Today’s readings were more than a challenge for me. It’s rare when at least one of the readings doesn’t “speak to me.” I always seem to find at least one nugget that resonates in my search for spiritual growth. And those of you who know me recognize that I’m rarely at a loss for words…in particular, because I make a living from words. 

While I tried, I failed. 

Then I realized that perhaps that was my lesson for today. Maybe what I’m being taught today is that God wants us to keep our minds and hearts truly open and to understand that sometimes faith and belief are more powerful than words on paper. Is it God telling me to accept my struggle and trust faith? When I reflect on the three readings, they each have a bit of a whiplash effect. I realized I was struggling to get past the actual struggle to see the release of God’s presence. Am I so caught up in my daily chaos that I fail to recognize the greater goal of Lent is to seek a quietness where reflection allows me to hope for the peace I crave?

Jeremiah is brutally honest with God. He feels deceived, mocked, exhausted by the burden of speaking truth in a hostile world. He is overwhelmed yet he ends with praise and sings to the Lord. God’s presence is stronger than Jeremiah’s anguish.

The psalmist goes through a litany of fears and distress until he calls out to God and realizes that God hears and is right there to intervene.

In the Gospel, Jesus is both revealed and resisted. He had to escape the masses yet he continued on in his mission.

Even now, as I’m writing this and have done research to better understand the three readings, insightful words on their meaning are not there! And yet, while the words may not be there to explain the readings, the belief that by stretching my reflection means I grew in my spiritual growth is. I pray that my honesty brings peace to those of you who also sometimes struggle to find meaning in God’s words but who have faith and belief that we too are heard when we are brave enough to ask for God’s assistance.